damn, it's hard to believe that any one person can effect me so much, but it's true. Things feel so different without the man-boy-lover. It's like I'm constant;y looking to finish my sentence, but nothing fits... writing this all down doesn't help much because I'm sure it must be more or less hard to relate to unless you've dealt with a long distance relationship. It's hard because he's in an entirely new (and very large) city, has no friends to hang out with every day, and only has a few jobs lined up for the rest of this sumer. I need to try and not complain to him because I could potentially make him feel like he shouldn't be doing this, which I don't want to do. Nor do I want him to feel like I would want him to choose me over a job opportunity or life opportunity. At this point I think we're going to try for the long haul, so whatever happens now determines our future, so I don't want to be detrimental to this. Luckily my mom was super kind to me, acting like a mother and all, and took me to a new favorite, Bucktown, for some shopping and dining. Went to the obvious Urban Outfitters, but also finally got to buy something at the nice vintage store because everything was 35% off, and the guy working there gave me about 50% off on some ankle books that remind me of what I might say is an Alison Mosshart cowboy style in red.

I've decided that my purchases can no longer be in a comfortable manner (at least with my tops) and that they all must be architecturally interesting. it's far too easy to fall back on the safe t-shirt or the plaid/flannel de rigueur. Now that I have to clear out my entire room and start giving away clothes (plus the trips to London, and the sight seeing of the ladies on the street) I've decided it is no longer acceptable to be boring and comfortable. I need to push myself beyond the comfort of U.S. styles and move into iconic/exotic dressings. Oh, and on top of this I think I've decided to keep this under-shaven hair look, but maybe grow the top bit into a bob. Girls/women need to learn that there's more to femininity/identity than long hair. Sure you can keep some of it, but cut that dry-end shit off and go for something a bit more interesting. It's only hair, it'll grow back in about 2-4 months. So yeah, under-shaven for a while for me.

Signing off to drown myself into some book and forget about my bad/sad attitude.