Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I don't really need titles I guess... he's left to go back to London until the holidays A lot of what seems to matter is what names he calls me by. No longer am I just "Sara," but a bevy of others. I've never had this many try-outs in nicknames, only the ones I've had since birth. It's weird. To have an idea of what your life's turning into, not wanting to jinx anything by saying it out loud, but needing to be agreed with. He said I should be used to going our separate ways for work or school, but I can only say the longer we're together the harder it becomes to say goodbye. So much so that in my last hours I can't think of a single thing to do but sit with him, just looking. Once I'm numb to the distance things aren't as difficult, but once it's time for me to say goodbye I break down emotionally and mentally, it's so much harder than I'd ever imagined. Only now have I ever fathomed how a mother feels when she's letting go of her toddler's hand at kindergarden and going through it all over again once they get to college. You know what you're doing is best for them, but you can't help but feel like a major part of you is missing.

fuck. tears. I told myself I wouldn't