meow

Chicago is freezing. I'm sick. But my lover is here, experiencing the same things so it's all ok.

Buffalo bill

Just re-watched It's a Wonderful Life. Brought back the events of today. I've decided never to hurt him, ever. I hate when I've hurt a person, makes me cry every time and hate myself so much. No one should feel hate towards themselves. Luckily I'm changing pills, won't have these stupid emotional issues ever again!

Lauryn Hill is a wonderful creature, even if she is a supposed racist. I listen to her The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill album every so often, and whenever I do I'm reminded how brilliant it is.

Trepination

I haven't put up my final that I've slaved over. It's supposed to be do separate "cinematic" images. Here they are:








click to enlarge

aw, you make lovin fun

this one's for you, hubby



I so badly want to be at home (mine or yours) in bed with you, nothing dirty, just comforting.

Cinema Paradiso

such a nice ending.

When I think of all the things we've done

end of classes. Montreal!

I'll get pictures up eventually, probably when I'm home and have nothing to do for a few days.

Something like that

how does one get the airplane feeling off?

meow

it's always weird coming home, there's always a rush of nostalgia... I've watched on video my first and second birthdays celebrated, looked through a yearbook and have gone through some old photographs. I want to see his. I also realize I must never leave/travel without a toothbrush, deodorant or hand lotion.

Go right ahead

my 1st half of my final project. Staring a fellow blogger...

Cage of Love

most recent 100 images project in Syracuse, NY. My "theme" was geometric shapes...












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I hate it when I'm incapable of stating exactly how I feel to the people that need to hear it the most. 

I think my body is killing itself... I woke up this morning and decided I had a tumor in my stomach... my mental/emotional distress is taking a toll in my awkward eating habits and random aches

somebody loves me

Lou Doillon's dancing is quite endearing:

Baby your magic is working

finished watching "Regular Lovers," meh movie. So many parts could have been cut out and there were so many tangents that weren't important.

However, two nice quotes came from it:

It's not because you fall in love and shag that you really love someone... but this time it's both. Something deep. Admiration... and sex... And also, I adore making love to him.

He's beautiful on the inside and the outside. He turns me upside down.

Last christmas I gave you my heart

so, now that my birthday (as well as election day) is over there's nothing really standing in my way, besides Thanksgiving, until it's the holidays and I can be reunited. My roommate's been listening to holiday tunes since the beginning of the school year, but we all now have caught the bug so much that whenever we're together in my apt. or theirs we listen non-stop to holiday music. I am elated that I'm home for the first time as well. I can't even remember how old I was when I last celebrated Christmas in Chicago. Hanukkah is different since it happens at various times, so I usually have some family times, but I really have never spent Christmas in the snow or New Years with friends in forever. I've already begun to plan things to do with him and others.

I don't want a lot

Distance is such a hard thing. I never really can feel the distance it until I'm in the presence of a loving couple. I see them holding one another, going through their normal mannerisms with one another and I start to get sad/jealous. I wish I could be there with him, doing those same things and being completely oblivious to any other presence in the vicinity. Oh it's hard. Much harder than any statement makes it sound.

I also got into a discussion tonight as to the pain it is to doubt oneself in the romantic sense, in terms of attractiveness, approachability et cetera. It's another thing that's so difficult to see someone experience, especially since I've been there and know how painful it can be. Why is it that a smart, beautiful girl has such difficulty finding their equal? And I mean, not even a glimmer of an opportunity here Where have all those guys gone? If girls are having these problems then there must be some guys in the same position. Are they at a different school? A different continent? It's pretty ridiculous. 

My birthday is quickly approaching (a certain election day) and I can't say how frustrating it is to be asked by everyone what I want to do to celebrate, and all I want to say is "have him be with me." That's all. I don't want anything else (besides a proper Presidential choice). I don't want any events, I don't want any gifts because nothing would make up for the absence of my lover... that term is funny to use in a  more public setting, but I don't want to use "my other half" or whatever. It's funny how limited the romantic vocabulary is for an ordinary (or, hopefully, not so ordinary) girl.

My final photo project is hopefully going to be excellent. I worked on my first half and am excited with its outcome. I'm ending it at this.

Helplessly Hoping

It's weird to think that we all seem to have music we go to when we're sad, well, when I'm sad. Last year I'd just have my bouts for no specific reason... quite different from this year. But what will never change is my reliable, wallow-in-whatever-may-bother bands. CSNY for their melancholic harmonizing, Al Green and Otis Redding are my equivalents of comfort food, then there are the sooth-the-burn female vocals of Camera Obscura, Mirah, and the taken-from-everywhere Psapp.  The worst, though, is when I'm so down I can't even decide what to listen to. While depressing movies are used to remind us that our lives really aren't that bad, music is more to help drown out the rest of my surroundings.

ugh, school and things are stressing me out and I really don't have anyone to spew my problems onto... I have no tv to watch my depressing movies, and I STILL need to get my work done

La Saraghina

it's amazing how some of the best songs in films aren't available in albums or even online.

A little bit

"A portrait is not stolen. A portrait doesn't sell anything. It says something universal about all of us." -Olivier Zahm, Purple Magazine

what now

Project I art directed and modeled for:

Marcello

" We should learn to love each other so much, to live outside of time, detached..."

- La Dolce Vita

so many times they say you've got it made

Le Brun states:
ecstasy, caused by an object "above the knowledge of the soul"; love, an expression that results only when passion is "pure"; and joy, caused when "love inspires the soul."

The shoeless hunter

it's been a while since I've added photos, probably because I've been busy taking a lot of them in various medias, which has consumed my life. The following is a project for my adv. digi class:












As well as some ones form Spark Gallery:

Can anybody help me please

Hard times have hit for dreamers. No longer can one fly the coop and travel abroad on a dime. They also can't cut out of school to learn of life outside of a system in their own country. Our days are filled with poor economics and bad presidents. What a shame. At least we still have love.

Want a whole lot of love

I've begun to realize how little of my childhood I remember... it's pretty awful. I think this fact is connected to the reason why I have this quasi-obsession with the movies of my generation. Rudolph? The Land Before Time? yeah... those are my regulars. But really, can we find a way to get some of these older memories into a more accessible area of my conscious?

I don't really need titles I guess... he's left to go back to London until the holidays A lot of what seems to matter is what names he calls me by. No longer am I just "Sara," but a bevy of others. I've never had this many try-outs in nicknames, only the ones I've had since birth. It's weird. To have an idea of what your life's turning into, not wanting to jinx anything by saying it out loud, but needing to be agreed with. He said I should be used to going our separate ways for work or school, but I can only say the longer we're together the harder it becomes to say goodbye. So much so that in my last hours I can't think of a single thing to do but sit with him, just looking. Once I'm numb to the distance things aren't as difficult, but once it's time for me to say goodbye I break down emotionally and mentally, it's so much harder than I'd ever imagined. Only now have I ever fathomed how a mother feels when she's letting go of her toddler's hand at kindergarden and going through it all over again once they get to college. You know what you're doing is best for them, but you can't help but feel like a major part of you is missing.

fuck. tears. I told myself I wouldn't

I've lost control again

as promised, the pictures from my first lighting studio project. I'm going to need to re-shoot the film. That sucks.













remember, click on them to enlarge