Sunday, November 2, 2008

I don't want a lot

Distance is such a hard thing. I never really can feel the distance it until I'm in the presence of a loving couple. I see them holding one another, going through their normal mannerisms with one another and I start to get sad/jealous. I wish I could be there with him, doing those same things and being completely oblivious to any other presence in the vicinity. Oh it's hard. Much harder than any statement makes it sound.

I also got into a discussion tonight as to the pain it is to doubt oneself in the romantic sense, in terms of attractiveness, approachability et cetera. It's another thing that's so difficult to see someone experience, especially since I've been there and know how painful it can be. Why is it that a smart, beautiful girl has such difficulty finding their equal? And I mean, not even a glimmer of an opportunity here Where have all those guys gone? If girls are having these problems then there must be some guys in the same position. Are they at a different school? A different continent? It's pretty ridiculous. 

My birthday is quickly approaching (a certain election day) and I can't say how frustrating it is to be asked by everyone what I want to do to celebrate, and all I want to say is "have him be with me." That's all. I don't want anything else (besides a proper Presidential choice). I don't want any events, I don't want any gifts because nothing would make up for the absence of my lover... that term is funny to use in a  more public setting, but I don't want to use "my other half" or whatever. It's funny how limited the romantic vocabulary is for an ordinary (or, hopefully, not so ordinary) girl.

My final photo project is hopefully going to be excellent. I worked on my first half and am excited with its outcome. I'm ending it at this.